Why did you name the site OMGJeremy?

I’m not very imaginative with names. Seemed like a good idea at the time. I regret it to this day.

How long have you been doing this?

Nine years now I think.

Why the fuck have you been doing this for four years? Do you have the brain worms?

Sadly, in a city where the best entertainment seems to be having illegal dog fights in your backyard, I really don’t have anything better to do. Plus, I probably do have brain worms.

Hey man you remember that one article you wrote about that crazy shit? That was great.

No.

You run a really neato Interweb site, you must be really fun to hang out with in real life.

Not really. I mostly stay away from the sun when it’s doing things like “being hot”. If I’m out for very long I start to look like a C.H.U.D. I am also neither fun, nor exciting. Actually the most excited I’ve been was a few months ago at a local Toys R’ Us when Ronnie and I spotted a rare Transformer, at which time we both shouted a highly audible “OH SHIT” and lunged directly at it like two highly immobile corpses not accustomed to moving anywhere past our normal speed of “lurching”, scaring the shit out of a father and his son nearby in the process. I don’t think he expected to see two grown males lunging at a toy in a semi-robotic white boy dash of excitement, and honestly, neither did we. It’s too bad you only realize the shame afterwards. If this sounds like an exciting time to you, then you are a sad person.

I’m so high. You get high too?

No. This boggles my mind. Why, WHY do 95% of you have the need to tell me you’re high? Do you think I’ll give you a prize for it? Like I’ll just jump out of my chair and be like HOLY SHIT MAN YOU’RE SO HIGH HERE’S A PONY or something? You’re high, so what? Congratulations I guess. Be sure to randomly message me again in the near future with your other major accomplishments. This also goes for the following:

• -Getting drunk
• -Pretending that you just had sex
• -Masturbating
• -Running into a wall and thinking it was comedy gold
• -Your cat just took a shit all over your couch and you are like “omgz nazty”.

Do you pay your writers?

Oh god no.

What happened to writer “X”?

This can go along with the “Do you pay your writers” question. Essentially, what you see from people other than myself, Amanda, or XV, are people devoting large chunks of their free time to write articles for us for virtually nothing in return. In case you’ve never tried, it takes a long assed time to write a 2000+ word article. Plus, unlike me, these other folks have lives that demand more time spent on “responsible” things. Things that don’t involve an Internet humor site, so more often than not, writers will have to disappear in order to maintain a healthy social life. The fools.

Are you really as mean as you come off to be?

Probably not. I guess I rarely have a chance to show my “good natured” side because I’m always writing about things I hate. This leads to me sounding like some screaming lunatic 100% of the time. In truth, I generally hate everything only about 70% of the time. Once you’ve spent four years writing for this site, you’d probably start wanting to bleed everyone, too.

You suck ur site is gay

Okay

What happened to aborted sites cause they were cool cause you were all like, man this site sux and i was like lol?

Well, the general consensus will tell you that lawsuits aren’t all that great. While I do realize that we were well under what is considered “legal” on the Internet, it was still not worth the effort to have to deal with a bunch of fags that got their feelings hurt. You see, everyone on the Internet is fine and dandy with everything, as long as you don’t go about pointing out how much they suck. And when you add about 2000 words behind the aforementioned”You suck” they REALLY get mad. I think out of the thirty or so sites we posted when we ran them, we were contacted by well over half, demanding compensation and/or our severed heads on a silver platter for a bunch of words that ultimately came down to calling them fags. While there’s virtually nothing any of them can do to us, it just gets tiring as a whole. So the aborted sites are no more.

Hey man, my computer is fucked up, can you help me?

When did people suddenly get the idea that, because I run a humor site, I somehow have the knowledge to fix your diseased computer? Fuck, I can barely keep my own computer from being infested with thousands of viruses every other minute, so what makes you think I can set your mobo to a different aperature with the bios from an old microwave or some shit? I can’t. Maybe if you need viruses, I can be of some help. In fact, I’m pretty sure if you message me on AIM, I automatically send out hundreds of viruses every time I send you text. I’m surprised the Government hasn’t quarantined my hard drive yet.

Can I write for you?

Probably not. It seems 90% of any would-be writers usually can’t get past the part where I say “YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO WRITE MORE THAN ONE PARAGRAPH.” Then there’s that thing where the rest of you shouldn’t even be allowed anywhere near the general public, let alone write for an Internet humor site. The end result of either usually ends up something like the following…

Person: Dude I need to write for you cuz I’m really funny on this one forum and my friend was like omg you should write for real like books n shit

Me: Okay, let’s see what you’ve got

Person: Okay, so I was playing this game, and this one part where the guy did some badass ninja shit and i was like OH SHIT and then I punched my cock and threw up on my MOM.

Why do you hate furries/adult babies/random shit? Why can’t you just let them be? I hate you

I don’t think when any of us write about any certain group of freaks that we necessarily”hate” them. We are just generally expressing our opinion in a way that makes us “sound” like we hate them. We’re all well aware here that there is virtually nothing we can do to make any particular group shut down or go hide in their underground lairs from anything we write, so we pretty much just write what we think. Occasionally (All the time) it can come out to make us sound much more like we already have several thousand pitchforks and Dark Mages on the ready to destroy anyone in our way. That’s simply not true. It’s all just an opinion-our opinion-about crap we think is too weird to not speak up about. Perhaps that makes us bad, I’m not sure. In the meantime, just quit fucking horses/having sex in animal costumes/shitting on each other, and you’ll be safe.

This one girl I like, she’s cool and all, but I’m shy. What do you think I should do?

Punch in the fucking tit for all I care. Since when do you think I care about your love life when I can’t find a girl that won’t spit on me? Go watch MTV or some shit, I dunno.

Is it easy to make a site like this?

It depends on how much effort you want to put into it. Being retarded, I generally put in a lot of work to this site. Way more than most people would want to expend on something that doesn’t bring them instant fame and fortune. Most people seem to get upset when they realize that the magic Internet code doesn’t automatically do everything for them like it should, and generally have to do it all themselves. I would suggest sticking to a small, easy to update site, instead of going for a giant bloated mess.

What this site has, like people who are willing to devote a LOT of free time to update, write, design, and code, is pretty rare. Don’t believe me? Just ask your friends if they’d be willing to use up 70% of their free time to help you maintain a website for several years that will most likely never bring you any sort of notoriety or fame. Their most likely response will be shooting you with a silver bullet, and then trying to burn the demons out of you with as much fire as possible.

How much longer do you think you’ll keep this up?

Depends. I told myself four years ago that I would never be doing this now, so I guess I owe myself a firm punch in the balls. I guess I keep it going because this site just isn’t “OMGJeremy” anymore. It’s everyone that keeps working on it. I’m just here to keep it from sucking “too” much. I also can’t lie, doing this site, minus the millions of times where I wanted to put my head squarely through my monitor, has been a lot of fun. I’ve met tons of people that are by far some of the best people you’d ever meet, and also some of the worst. Perhaps when it genuinely stops being fun, and it comes off in more of a “stepson I have no time for” way that I’ll probably pull the plug. As it stands now, expect us to be here for a while.

You have inspired me.

You’re not looking hard enough for inspiration. You disappoint me and are a failure. Try harder.