Halloween gifts are so much better than any normal gifts you could give. What other Holiday allows you to give someone a severed arm and not have them call the police on you? None. Trust me, I’ve tried. This is the only time of the year you can get away with it.

While I’ll get around to some of the bigger, nastier things you can give later this month, I figure we could start out a little simpler with some of these wonderful plush freaks of nature below. Something maybe to give your kids, or maybe even stick it on their pillow in the middle of the night. Imagine the excitement as your child wakes up to find a cute zombie attacking their face. They’ll get the full appreciation of your awesome parenting after the psychiatric sessions and drugs kick in.

Dismember Me Plush Zombie

ThinkGeek has their moments, and this is definitely one of them. Featuring arms and legs that rip off, and a torso that separates from the waist revealing felt guts and goo, this is by far the finest zombie plush thing we’ve ever seen. And hey, it’s only 15 bucks, too. That’s totally cheap enough to buy AND get sick off 3 bags of Bit O’ Honey.

Price: $15
Where: ThinkGeek

Dennis The Monster

Dennis is a master of no one, as you can see from his general facial expression. Dennis is more of one of those kind of pet monsters that generally just does whatever it wants because it’s more or less too stupid to realize what it’s doing from minute to minute. One minute he could be sitting there looking adorable in his “I’d eat my own brain if given the chance” way. The next minute he’s eaten two of your cat’s legs off and trying to gnaw through your skull.

I think the pluses are well worth the minuses., though.

Price: $16
Where: Sappymoosetree

Peanutbutter and Jellyfish Sandwich

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve simply been too scared to open the refrigerator only to find this guy staring back at me. While I’m sure there are many of our Asian friends that would find the idea of a peanutbutter and jellyfish sandwich completely appetizing, it only makes me want to put my head between my knees and try not to pass out. Perfect for that unsuspecting little brother/sister who goes exploring under their bed often.

Price: $30
Where: Sappymoosetree

Monster Bat Fleece

It’s got wings, one eye, and an eyebrow that could kill you by itself. I don’t think there’s much more reason you would need to want one of these fine bat…things. The eyebrow alone stands to warn anyone that this bat may have problems with culling it’s facial hair. And you know what? It doesn’t care. And when someone lets their facial hair get that out of control, you know it’s time to run the other way.

Price: $27
Where: Sappymoosetree

Dissected Frog

In what has to be the most intricately disgusting plush creation I’ve ever seen, this dissected frog comes complete with every internal organ lovingly recreated for you to take out and stare in mild disgust at. It even goes so far as to provide a tray and forceps for your plush dissection adventures. Expensive, but holy shit is it awesome.

Price: $110
Where: Sappymoosetree

Bed Bugs

Ever get that feeling that incredibly cute yet terrifying bugs are crawling on you while you sleep? Yes? Well my God, you are a dirty son of a bitch and should probably fumigate your entire house at once. In the meantime, you can buy a non horrible version of the bugs that try to burrow into your skin and lay thousands of eggs into you with this wonderful little Bed Bug. It even comes with it’s own little house for convenience sake. And when you own a bug, convenience is at a high all around. even if they do try to eat you at night.

Price: $8.50
Where: Sappymoosetree

So that should give you enough to start on. Remember, not everything Halloween has to be horrifying. Just horrifying in spirit.

HALLOWEEN SPIRIT.

BWOOOOOOOOwhatever fuck off.