‘Relevant’ Introduction Bit

Today’s music scene is dominated by sensations, one-hit-wonders who burst onto the scene then sink without a trace. I liken them to the Titanic, the greatest ocean liner ever built. Claimed unsinkable, it burst onto the really-big-ship scene, hit an iceberg, then sank without a trace, except for lifeboats…and the remains of the ship…and a blaze of publicity, so new artist’s aren’t exactly like the Titantic. Though maybe the blaze of publicity argument holds some water. And the hull of the Titantic held some water as well…too much water, so it sank beneath the waves without a trace, except for lifeboats…and the remains of the ship…and a blaze of publicity. That was a helluva digression. Where was I? Comics! Yeh…why not?

Webcomics are everywhere these days. Except for in the ‘real world’ as that would just be a big contradiction, kinda like me ever having a regular output of articles. It’s just two mutually exclusive concepts. Webcomics range from hugely popular and entertaining to mind-blowingly atrocious. However even the really, really bad ones will have lots of rabid fans who shower the author/artist of the comic with praise, gifts and bleeding horse heads. OK, so the last one is normally from me, but the point is: they have e-fame.

E-fame.

It’s the goal of every pasty-faced internet geek. Don’t try to deny it as we all know it’s true. Plus I’ll stick my fingers in my ears and go “la la la la la la la” until you stop trying to deny it. Punk. Not everyone is cut out for the dog-eat-dog environment of a humour site (except maybe Koreans) but anyone can put together a webcomic. Or at least they will be able to if they’ve read this article! Yes, it’s true – I will be revealing the hidden secrets on how to put together a webcomic. What’s that you cry? Why the hell am I writing this? Wouldn’t Amanda be better qualified? Isn’t she funnier than you? What did you give Jeremy to make him post your shit in the first place?

All very valid questions and the answers are: “I have The Knowledge”, “Yes”, “Yes” and “This interview is over” respectively. Now onward with the masterclass, aided by the fantastic debut of my own web comic!

Stage 1 – “But I don’t even like owls”

The first stage is to formulate an idea, or cunning plan if you prefer. What will your comic be about? Common themes appear to be:

• People doing stuff with a supporting cast of other people doing other stuff.

AND/OR

• Video game characters.

There always seems to be two main characters, be they computer graphics or badly drawn stick-people. That is your starting point. Really put some thought into these characters – what motivates them, what are they allergic to, what colour are their eyes – the important stuff. Or just use offensive stereotyping. The choice is yours! Let’s use my comic as an example. The characters are drawn in far more detail than they would be in the actual comic (I spent a good 3 minutes on them). The two characters are Chickendad (a [bad] superhero) and Kagomoto (a ninja). I don’t think those square brackets are grammatically correct, but I don’t care enough to change them. Though I do care enough to write a sentence explaining how much I don’t care. And another sentence justifying that. And another justifying that. And another justifying that. For ever and ever amen.

Bringing FUNK JUSTICE to the mean streets of LA!

Stage 2 – “Oooh, that’s my favourite stage”

At this point you have created your main characters and are now ready to work on the gags of your comic. It’s probably best to cater to a specific audience including but not limited to:

1. NES Fanboys
2. Anime Fankids
3. L33t Gamers
4. Women
5. Soul Brothers
6. Our Future Alien Overlords

This means you can throw in lots of ‘in’ jokes, so your readers can pat themselves on the back when they get a reference to Slave-Commander Zeb’s favourite torture for lazy workers who aren’t toiling to their full potential down in the mines. Oh Slave-Commander Zeb, when will your crazy antics end?

"WHEN ALL HUMANS LIE IN FIERY RUIN! HAIL ZEB, BRINGER OF DOOM!"

Indeed. So think of lots of highly amusing antics and shenanigans for your characters to get up to and then use your dubious artistic skills to bring this vision to life. Well, not actually to life, as that would be pretty scary. All sorts of two-dimensional videogame sprites roaming around doing who knows what. You’ll also have to decide whether or not to colour your comic.

MS Paint knows no bounds in the right hands

The above panel, for example just wouldn’t work at all without colour. It doesn’t work at all with colour, but a greater degree of not-working would exist without the colour. Or something. So…anyway…stage 3!

Stage 3 – “Koreans eat dogs? Oh…now I get it”

You must now draw it all together and create a masterpiece, or at least something you can stick online and call a masterpiece. Remember to rip off lines from TV and popular culture because it’s really funny when you use them out of context. Take care of yourself, annnnd each other. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA see? Remember the golden rule of webcomics – never explain or justify anything you don’t want to. If you are pressed on something you can always claim that “it will be explained in future episodes”. Hurrah for lies!

Incidentally, if you want to read the first, last and only episode of The Adventures of Chickendad and Kagomoto, you can find it here. Don’t worry if it makes no sense…It’ll all be explained in future episodes!

Keenspace.com provide a hosting service to webcomics, so you can probably get hosted up there. Then you just sit back, relax and gather a fanatical following of BARELY LEGAL GIRLS wanting the kind of XXX action only a webcomic author/artist can provide. Go get ‘em tiger! I’ve been Trev and this has been my Webcomic Masterclass. Thank you and goodnight.

"RETURN TO WORK, HUMAN NOTHING!"