There have only been a few notable saviors in the history of the world. Jesus and Chris Jericho come to mind. But sandwiched inbetween Big J and Y2J, the NES wrestling scene found it’s own savior…Pro Wrestling. Said to be made by Nintendo, but in all actuality it descended from heaven in 1986, Pro Wrestling changed everything. This game got it right. The roster was small (compared to today) at seven grapplers, but they were all unique character-wise and all possessed at least one special move that only they used. To this day, this game still has some of the most memorable characters to ever step between video-game ropes.

Fighter Hayabusa

More than likely based on legendary Japanese wrestler Antonio Inoki. Has the distinction of being the only bland character in the game. He’s that guy who nobody can remember the name of. He wishes he was Japanese, but he isn’t hiding those rugged American good looks. His patented “Back Brain Kick” is as notable for being as deadly as it is impossible to hit. Seriously, in all my years of playing this game I have connected with it four times, and two of those times I had no intentions of even pulling off the move. Get used to that animation of FH crashing to the ground in shame after missing a move that he is supposedly the master of. Zoom in close enough on a screen-cap of FH after missing the maneuver and rumor has it you can see a tear.

Star Man

Take your pick of whatever Mexican luchador you think Starman is based off of. More than likely he is just a bunch of the more famous ones rolled into one awesome, flip-kicking, purple loving, master of the squared circle. Normally I run with Starman. I learned at 6 years old that a grown man can be pissed off if you just continually spam him with somersault kicks. Of course you have to make sure that you get in his face and keep saying “I’m not gonna flip and kick you again…YEAH I AM” over and over again while doing it. I’m still not very close to that uncle. Also if you want to finish the game in a hurry, just move all the way up to the top of the screen and keep using his flying cross chops. The CPU can’t get enough of it.

Kin Corn Karn

One K away from being a media nightmare (and from sharing a name with a shitty band), the only thing more painful the KCK’s karate kick is watching the animation for his Mongolian chop. The hell if I know who is he based on, some China-man I am sure. His special moves might suck, but this guy can tear through his opponents like nobody else. Seriously, 4 or 5 of those over-powered kicks and you can just hit a piledriver and pick up the win in most cases. The Mongolian Chop joins the Back Brain Kick as a move that is nearly impossible to hit against a real opponent.

Giant Panther

At 6′6″ and 320lbs, GP is the largest grappler in the game. GP also has some damn near catastrophic special moves. It doesn’t help that once you win the title and are defending, the AI seems to finally wake up and realize the game is on during your first defense against GP. No more are you just breezing through them, but instead you are fighting for your life. Expect to have the Iron Claw clamped onto your face several times, but that is just the beginning. After softening up your face-meat with the claw, GP will unload the headbutt on you. This goes down in history as the first move to gain a pinfall over me in Pro Wrestling. Not only does this move visibly knock ALL of your characters teeth into the crowd, but it also somehow manages to make you lose your desire to even tap those buttons and make your man get up. You know kicking out just means you’ll be getting another one, and you don’t want to look like the guy that met the business end of a fire extinguisher in Irreversible.

The Amazon

Whether you know it or not, chances are this is the guy who introduced you to blood in games. A celebration of such rulebreakers as Abdullah the Butcher and The Shiek, The Amazon’s special moves are all about cheating. His Piranha Bite is straight up vicious, as Amazon literally chews on your face, turning your head into a sprinkler…a sprinkler full of BLOOD! He also has the Outlaw Choke, which consists of him grabbing you in a headlock and then stabbing the shit out of you with a foreign object. In one of the most humerous moments of the game (right up with watching Hayabusa fall on his fake-Japanese ass), after the move he will hide the object, have a good laugh at your bloody expense, and shake his head when confronted by the referee.

King Slender

Obviously based on the greatest wrestler of all time (RIC “BY GOD” FLAIR), King Slender does the Nature Boy justice. He is the champ when you start the game, and is the gold standard of the organization. Defeating him for the title might seem a little easy the first time, but when you face him for your defense, this bastard lets you have it all. I defy you to beat him quickly on your first defense against him, it is nearly impossible. Give him your karate kicks, your flying cross chops, your Back Brain Kicks (good fucking luck), and anything else you have…King Slender will kick out at 2 and hit you with his patented Backbreaker for your troubles. It leads me to believe that the initial title victory over him is just a fluke, or shitty booking.

Great Puma (No profile picture because he says only pussy-ass bitches pose for them)

The final challenge in Pro Wrestling, and an all around son of a bitch. Great Puma has it his disposal ALL of the special moves from each character. Nothing is sacred from this move-stealing monster. Like a 15 year old girl with low self-esteem, you’ll take everything this man wants to dish out to you, and you’ll cry every step of the way. Somersault kicks, Iron Claws, Backbreakers, he can and will do it all. I’ve never seen him go for the Back Brain Kick, but I bet he would hit it every day time. My only advice…use StarMan and cross chop him to Hell. I’m 3-5 against this bastard, and the masked man from south of the border is the only one I can pick up a victory with.

So there you have it, the first legit GOOD wrestling game. Yeah, some other wrestling titles were coming out for the Master System and the WWF even had some more horrific NES offerings…but if you weren’t playing Pro Wrestling you were an idiot and possibly even an asshole (I can not make a sound judgement on the latter until I get to know you). But if you played Pro Wrestling, I can at least say a winner is you.