Well, well, well. I think we can all agree that this is just the most darling little stuffed monkey we have ever had the pleasure to gaze upon. It is so colorful and wacky, with its long monkey arms and cute little monkey eyes. But what’s this? Why does it have a cross embroidered upon its little monkey chest, over its darling monkey heart? Why, because it is a CHRISTIAN monkey, sillies! And like all christian things, this monkey is deeply significant in all ways, right down to the colors chosen!

“Yellow face and cross represents God’s perfect light, Black eyes and tail represents our sins, Red head and stomach means Jesus’ blood, Green hands and feet mean a new life, and purple legs mean the crown of life.”

Wow! I guess that means that the vomit I just choked on in my throat is just symbolic of God’s Perfect Light and a little bit of Jesus’ Blood! Of course, I already knew that, deep inside my very soul.

What I didn’t know though, is how very resourceful these Christians are. They have made me learn SO MUCH from this very lovable and cuddly monkey that promotes such a serious religious message in such a way that nobody but the fiercest of Christ-obsessed zealots would ever notice. Thank you, Christian Brothers and Sisters, for making me be forever suspicious even of colors now!