Every little girl loves ponies to a certain extent. Especially those damn My Little Ponies. Many a young girl spent hours grooming and…grooming their little plastic multi-colored ponies. I know I did. But there was always something missing from the experience. Something that just seemed vacant from my many times that I tried to make them have sex to create baby ponies. Possibly a large chunk of my frontal lobe. Or maybe according to this fine little toy, though, it seems all I was missing was God’s message.

The Praise Ponies offer you a playing experience just like your experience with your real My Little Ponies, except they are remarkably cheap looking and offer God’s message, delivered by stamping “Love” “Hope” and “Joy” on the ponie’s asses, which apparently is supposed to make you stop and think about how much God’s message means to you as you have them mount each other for hot, hot, pony sex.

Honestly there’s nothing religous at all about these things. You get the standard Bible verses on the front of the box, that I guess qualifies any sort of product as being Christian. Just as long as it’s got that vague Bible verse plastered somewhere around it. No kids give a fuck, and why should you. Just shut up and comb their damn hair until it falls out.