In my new fascination with absolutely insanely unhealthy foods comes this tragedy of human ingenuity; The Fifth Third Burger:

This 1.66 pound piece of gastrointestinal wunder, named after team sponsor 5/3 Bank, costs $20 and feeds 1-4 people. If you eat it by yourself and finish it in one sitting, you get a free 5/3 t shirt.

Wow, just a t shirt for cutting a tenth of your life out in one massive, greasey chunk? Most places will give you the meal free if you manage to eat their horrific terror meal. Most likely out of pity that they have shortened your life span a great deal. But Fifth Third? Nope. Take your shirt and wear if proud, you fat mutant.

Did I mention this thing is 4,500 calaries? Yeah, don’t eat this.