This has to be the best thing I’ve seen all week, fake or not. From the creators of OH GOD MY CROTCH comes RapeX. The extra large red X featured on the site will not be replicated here, which is unfortunate because it actually makes it more painful to read. Not because it’s red, but simply because every time I see it, I picture a penis being grated like a fine cheese. And that’s exactly what RapeX is.

So say you’re participating in the every day activity of being raped, and you suddenly wish there were a way you could finally put one back on your rapist. Because, you know, things like jamming your fingers into his eyesockets just isn’t…classy enough for a woman of your sophistication. In comes RapeX! A handy device you insert into your junk before anything ever happens. That’s right, you have to PREDICT when you might be raped to get value out of RapeX. If you manage to somehow become clairvoyant enough to predict your own rape, you simply jam RapeX all up in you, and wait for that vagrant penis to follow. What happens next would be a comedy of horror I imagine, as the guy suddenly realizes this rape victim’s vagina is literally eating/shredding his penis. Imagine the hilarity! You’ll be laughing all the way to Planned Parenthood, I bet.

Got some questions for the person that went insane enough to make this? Sure you do:

What is your response to the few negative responses to RAPEX? (Question to Sonet Ehlers – inventor)

As with everything in life there will be negative attitudes and I can’t be responsible for people who refuse to educate men and feel the device is medieval”. “A medieval device for a medieval deed”!

Won’t the rapist kill me?

Sadly, many women have been killed over time, as nobody can guarantee the outcome of any rape! However, the huge plus-factor is that the discomfort and pain is such, that the rapist would be disabled temporarily, (much worse than a kick in the groin that self-defence instructors teach women!) giving you time to get away and get help.

Will it cause permanent damage to the rapist?

No, not if he gets professional help without delay

Well I guess this puts most of my evening plans on hold for a while.